As some of you may know, I happen to work in the distribution center for a certain children's clothing company. Since I've been on light duty due to my gallbladder surgery, they've had me back in the returns department. It's actually my favorite thing to do at work, but sometimes things really irk me. So I made a list of do's and don'ts (mostly don't, lol) and some random observations.
And let me preface this by saying that this blog is in no way shape or form an expression of the company I work for. This is merely my observations, and is intended for entertainment purposes only.
That being said, on with the list:
1. Packing peanuts are completely unnecessary. Stop filling your boxes with them. When I see packing peanuts in a box I automatically want to stab someone. While we're talking about packing boxes, is it reallllly necessary to wrap a sweater in bubble wrap?
2. If you don't have your receipt, include a note or something. Even if it's just your name and address. Don't just throw your shit in a box and expect me to figure out who you are, what you're returning and what you'd like to do with your return. If you get pissed when we DO process your return wrong, you deserve to get punched in the face. How can you be so confident that you'll get your money back if we don't now who the fuck you are?
3. Also, could you maybe fold your clothes or put them in appropriate sized boxes? Some people will send back 10 or 20 things all balled up like they've been on the floor for a week, all willy-nilly in the box, and expect to get full credit for it. (well to be fair, they do, but they shouldn't!) Putting your shit in correctly-sized boxes is nice too. Coats shouldn't go in tiny shoe boxes or bags. That's just stupid. You obviously have the money to afford our stuff, so I know you can afford a box at the post office. We have to cut open the box/bag and half the time your shit gets cut in the process. That costs us money.
4. If you have dogs or cats, lint roll your stuff before you send it in. I could knit sweaters with all the hair that comes back on some of the stuff we get. Also, wipe your fucking make up off before you try on a garment. We have to trash SO much stuff because it's smeared with disgusting makeup. You are gross.
5. If you return something stating it was too expensive, why did you buy it to begin with?
6. Sometimes in life you're going to be disappointed. Just because you had to return an item doesn't mean you should be refunded for having it shipped to you in the first place. Do you ask Macy's to reimburse you for gas because you had to drive there? It's not our fault you didn't like it or it didn't fit well. Get over it. On the other hand, if you're returning it because it IS our fault (ie- the item broke/unraveled after one wear/wash, there's a nail sticking into your shoe, etc) then yeah, we'll hook you up.
7. If you didn't like something, if it didn't fit you well, if it made your kid fall down, if it was itchy, if it was undesirable for any reason...why the hell would you wait 4 or 5 years to return it? Most companies would tell you to kick rocks. But not us! We'll take your return if you've had the thing for 15 years and it's thread-bare. But again, we shouldn't. We're more than happy to give you a refund if something fucks up with in a reasonable amount of time, but there's no fucking reason why you should be allowed to raid your closet and return 10 years worth of stuff because your kids need new long johns. Please don't take advantage of our kindness. Also, appreciate our kindness. I'm getting jipped out of my Christmas bonus and my raise this year because of the economy. Stop putting salt in my wounds. (I had a return today with a huge box full of about 30 things worth about $700. The lady had the nerve to say they hadn't been worn, yet some of the stuff was from as far back as 1996. SURE you kept that item for a whole fucking decade and didn't wear it.)
8. So, you bought your entire family matching outfits for Christmas pictures? That's awesome, we like shit like that (it's why they make it) We're aware that people buy it, keep the tags on while taking the pics, and then send it back. It's pretty douchey, but whatev. As long as you return it in good shape, we can fold it up and resell it no problem. However, don't turn around and tell us you did that. It just makes you look like an asshat. (also, don't send us pictures with your returned items of your entire family wearing said outfits)
9. No, it's NOT our fault your kid wore her knew leggings to kindergarten and they SUDDENLY developed a hole in the knee. It's because her clumsy ass fell down. It's ridiculous for us to foot the bill to ship a new one to you because your kid can't stand up straight. Don't send her to school in $30 pants, perhaps? I don't think it's a coincidence that the same people telling us our stuff is poorly made are the ones who send back stuff with holes in the knees or on the butt. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
10. You should only return underwear if it doesn't fit or if there happens to be something wrong with it right away. If it touches your kid's ass for more than a few minutes, wash it. If they shit in it....don't bother. Certainly don't send it back with skid marks and piss stains. We have to touch that, you know.
11. No, you haven't been a customer since 1980. We didn't exist then.
And, this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but is it really necessary to return something because the sleeves or pant legs are too long or because a button or seam came loose a little? I mean, I know everyone isn't a seamstress. But it's certainly not expensive to have someone sew a hem real quick. You have the money obviously. Chances are you know someone with a sewing machine, why not ask them for help? It's such a waste to return something for such a trivial reason. It's also a hassle when you get pissed because the item you wanted to exchange it for is sold out. This is why I'm happy my mom taught me to sew.
This probably isn't as entertaining as I thought it would be, but I'm bored, so oh well.
Hopefully you've all learned something.
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