welcome to hell...

Sometimes this world really just makes me shake my head. And just when I think I'm okay with myself, some asshole comes along to ruin it.

I'm tired of feeling like less of a person because I choose not to believe in God. It's a personal choice and it's not something I take lightly. And I'm just so fucking sick of religious folks coming down on me for not jumping on their bandwagon. If anything, I think it's more difficult NOT to believe than it is to just follow along like everyone else. I say it time and time again, I'm using my brain that YOUR GOD gave me....am I not supposed to THINK with it?

And saying that I don't believe in a god doesn't mean I don't want to. It doesn't mean I'm not CONSTANTLY rethinking my position in life. It doesn't mean I'm not listening, learning new things...thinking about the world in general. The same parts of me that choose not to believe, are also the same parts of me that look for reasons TO believe. It's just that I haven't found any compelling evidence yet. (and please don't start spouting fairy tales at me, that isn't evidence)

What bothers me the most about believers is how terrible some of them can be. The same people who are spouting off about love and acceptance and all that, are the same ones telling me I'm going to hell and I'll reap what I sew and blah blah blah. I find their attitudes terribly hypocritical.

A week or so ago I was pumping gas before work when a random guy came up to me offering me a religious pamphlet. There's nothing I hate more than being assaulted when I'm just minding my own business. If I wanted to learn about your religion, your church, your business, whatever, I'd come to you about it. I don't need anyone forcing it on me. Especially when it's freezing cold, 8:30 in the morning and I'm just trying to get to work. I kindly said "no thanks, I'm an atheist" and went about my business. He looked startled but turned on his heel and walked away. Whatever.

I posted on facebook about how it bothered me and, naturally, a debate ensued. I have a mixed bag of friends/family. Some Christians, some atheists or agnostic. Some who just keep their shit to themselves. The Christian folks begged that we don't judge them all as nutjobs because of the few people, like that guy, who have no tact. Which I don't. While I question their beliefs, I'm not going to judge them as people, and certainly not based on something someone else did. It would be akin to saying all Muslims are terrorists. It's just not the truth. Again, using my brain here.

Mike made a few comments about taking things from the bible literally, and another acquaintance made a rather strong comment about god, religion and people who are believers. Perhaps a little stronger than I would have put it, but not anything I haven't said or thought to myself.

But then I get a reply from my aunt, which she promptly deletes. I was able to read it, and of course, it was the same crap as always. You're stupid, there are some things science can't prove, one day you'll pay for your sins...stuff like that. She did, however, turn around and post on my wall that all of my friends are "pieces of shit". A woman of the lord, telling me my friends pieces of shit because they don't believe the same thing she does. Is she aware of just how ridiculous she's making herself look? I tell her I think God wouldn't be real stoked about her attitude, and it's attitudes like hers that make me hate religion as much as I do. Naturally she turns it around and finds a reason to make a crack against my dad and how I blame the world for my problems and stuff. Real ridiculous stuff I could tell she was just waiting for an opportunity to bring up. Everyone hates my dad it seems, but that's another blog.

Then today someone makes another snarky comment on something I randomly commented on a friend's facebook. And it just got me thinking, why are people so rude? And why am I not allowed to bring up being an atheist when religious folk can bring up God at any given point in the day and no one blinks an eye? People can go around all day long "I love God, blah blah blah" and I say I don't love God and people start shitting their pants. Again, hypocrisy all day long. I don't understand how it's fair.

Bottom line, why can't people live and let live? Why can't people keep their opinions to themselves? Why must everyone go around forcing their beliefs on each other? I talk about being an atheist from time to time, but I don't go around trying to convert everyone. Because I know it's fucking rude to do otherwise. I know people don't want to hear about what I believe, just like I would HOPE people would realize the same applies when you turn the tables. Can you imagine how amazing the world would be if religion weren't in the picture? Or, if people would stop doing terrible thing in God's name at the very least. I'm not saying you can't believe, or shouldn't believe. So many people do wonderful things in God's name, but why do people do terrible things and think it's ok?

Why can't everyone just shut up and go about their business? I will never ever understand and it makes me angry. I just hope that one day when my time comes, someone will explain everything to me.